overdue update

I don't think anyone has ever read my blog but i will update it anyway. I will start out with the best news, I have been dating an amazing woman for a little over two months now, her name is Stephanie Sparks, she is a nurse at Baptist East. I also just rented out my house and will be moving into an apartment in two weeks, so i am really excited. I will finally be able to get rid of some credit cards with the money i will be saving. I also kinda started a new job. I am still with ServiceMaster but i will now be working under TruGreen. I have started doing their work yet so I am not sure how it is all going to turn out. God is in control of my life and he is doing some amazing things, I have started to see things happen that i have prayed for a long time. It is great to see God working in my life. Well i better get back to work!

Its been a while since my last blog, but i don't think anyone reads them anyway so its ok. Fusion is moving along going to happen here in memphis. Ryan and Scott have a conference call with Union on the 30th and its looking good. Union is very interested but just needs some details. I feel like God is leading me to the OpsCor (operations coordinator) position and not the director, not to say that it could not come a few years down the road but i want to spend as much time with the students as i can. Also i am wanting to go back to school for my masters and Christian education looks like the way to go but i am still seeking God's will in that direction. My finances are still a struggles considering my house or truck never sold. My debts are a burden of my own making and dealing with them is tough but God is sufficient and is guiding me through it all. I know he will provide everything i need. I realized this is a suffering i must endure right now and i must keep my heart and mind open to God during this time. I know in his perfect timing he will deliver me, but until then i will fight on and seek him. One thing i have learned through all this is that i don't need money. As long as i have the love and joy of Christ in my life, which nothing can take that away from me, and i am living in his will, then that is all i need. I could live in a cabin at the grove and drive a moped if it meant living in Gods will. With money many times comes debt and more troubles if not managed according to Gods word. Many days i would like to start over with nothing but i can't and must move forward. I must not focus on the negatives in my life cause it will eat me away, i must only focus on God and him alone and i will have life better than i could ever imagine. I continue to pray for strength in my struggles and Christ in my weaknesses. He is all powerful, all sustaining, all knowing, and He is Love.

You better Belize it!

So i am back from Belize and what an amazing trip. I was laying in bed last night and a big part of me wanted to be back in Belize. God used this trip to reassure me that mission is where he wants me to be. To recap the week, all our travel went smoothly and the campus is beautiful. The boys at the school are awesome and i made some great friends. I was able to go into some villages on monday and talk to some kids about the camp which started on tuesday. I was one of the camp leaders which meant i would be over about 17 boys. Before the camp would start i was able to lead a devotion for all the boys at the school and our group. I spoke on 2 corinthians 3:18 and I think I learned more than anyone else. Being a group leader i had the opportunity to lead 4 bible studies throughout the camp. The camp was called "Here and Now" talking about living for God now instead of waiting for him. It was based on Joshua and how he made himself available to God while Moses was still leading. I also learned alot as I studied to prepair for these. On the last bible study with the boys I felt led to share my testimony with them. I was able to share with them the amazing impact God is in my life and what i feel he is leading me to do. I thank God for the opportunity to be apart of His kingdom work and hope he will use me again. Christ become even more the focal point of my life. I don't think i really saw God's work on my life until I was back home and laying in bed thinking about the whole trip. He strenthened my desire to do his will and to help shape students to be a beacon of light for him in this dark world.

Truths

I just wanted to write a short bit on what God has taught me this week. It is something i feel he has been trying to teach me for a long time, and it was while listening to a sermon by Paul Washer that it was revealed to me. On a side note, God has used Paul Washer greatly to teach me his truths. If you know me, you know i have had my house up for sale for a while, well also i have my truck, a set of tires, and my mountain bike for sale. I am doing whatever i can to get out of debt so that i can go to seminary and follow Gods call on my life. So i have for a while been very easy with giving God all my stuff. He took away my desire to have stuff. It was just last week though that the stuff in my life is not what God really wants from me, the most important thing God wants me to lay down at his feet is my life, and i don't just mean in salvation, but in sanctification. I have realized that my time was not honoring God, even as involved into church as I am, I am doing alot of stuff in church, that keeps me really busy, but my personal relationship with Christ was not growing. I have not been truly studying his word, I was reading little devotions, but what is that, 5 min with God then throw him back on the shelf until tomorrow night. The time i spend with Jesus should be 24 hours a day, and also spend specific time studying his word myself and not just rely on someone elses study. I have come to realize that when i spend time listening to sermons on my ipod (thank you itunes) and studying my Bible, my days are amazing. I have prayed deeply for a while that God would take control of my finances, and just since i have made the covenant with God about my time, my tires sold today, and also my house is showing today which it has not done in over two months. So the truth i learned is that when you finally open your ears and hear what God is trying to teach you and you listen and apply it, he will bless you for following in his will on your life. God is so awesome and I know he will continue to reveal himself and his truths to me!

questions

I don't think we will ever stop asking what is the next thing that God has for us. I was so sure that i would soon be heading to east Asia and then off to Kansas City. Now is seems like God is telling me its not time yet. With the housing market in a slump has been hard trying to sell my house, but i continue to pray that God will provide a buyer in his time. I am trying to constantly seek him to see where he is leading me. So many days I want to drop everything and just go to seminary and leave everything behind, but i have to pay for my past stupidity first (debt). I pray that i will be in a position this time next year to quit my job and go to school. I know God wants me in full time ministry and i am searching constantly for him. I am trying to spend as much time as i can in his word growing closer to him and understand more about him. It is very easy to overwhelm yourself with things, especially in the church, its hard to say no, but there are times you have to. I have been blessed with the greatest group of friends and family that are supportive through everything. I see so many friends and people my age married and i feel marriage as much as i desire it could keep me from following God to the ends of the earth, " not my will but thine" is what i keep repeating, God is my one and only focus right now and he is gonna have to throw a woman right in my lap for me to notice. I can't wait for Kel to get back to hear what God has done, she has been an inspiration to me showing me what God can do with a willing heart. I always ask myself if i could really do what she is doing, its easy to say you can but if you really think about it, being away from everyone you love, daily hard struggles, i hope i will be able to. My biggest struggle is stepping out and telling people about Jesus, i don't understand why i can't tell people that amazing truth and how urgent they need it, but something in me always stops me. Lately i have been asking God to give me opportunities just to talk about him, i was able today at work with two women who at least go to church and seem to be Christians, its a start. I have noticed branches i talk to on the phone at work apologising when they curse, which i find comforting. I am so looking forward to Belize and being able to be a vessel for Christ to pour himself onto the boys we will be working with, but i also realize that i can be a great vessel here as well. This city is in such need of Christ, it is really sad to see people struggling with no answeres. I am very proud of my cousin for the work she does in the inner city. My greatest fear is that God will pass me by and my life will be worthless and my greatest hope is that he will find me worthy to be a catalyst for his kingdom. Lord let me be a light for Thee.

Doors

I just wanted to throw out an update on whats goin on right now.
My house is finally up for sale and i am praying hard that God will provide someone to buy it, but only in his timing. As far as this summer goes, i was planning on going to East Asia for 6 weeks, but that door has been closed and now i will be going to Belize. I am a little disapointed that i won't be in East Asia but i know if that is where God wanted me i would still be going. We will be in Belize for a week and working at a Vo-tech school for young boys. This should be exciting as we will be working along side them and have ample opportunity to talk to these boys about Christ. As far as Fusion goes, this are moving along, I have finished both applications to MidWestern and the IMB and waiting for my reference forms to be submitted. I have begun the process of prepairing myself both physically and spiritually. I have started waking up earlier in the morning to spend some more time in the word and started running and working out right after work. God has been using sermons by Paul Washer to convict me on my devotion life and biblical study and also on my idea on presenting the Gospel. I am currently reading a book my John Piper called God in the Gospel which is great and filled with scripture references. I realized that i can't wait till fusion to serve Christ, our city needs him so bad and if i am just sensitive to people God lays in front of me, my mission field starts here. I have began to realize that Fusion will not only be fun but also the hardest thing i have ever done, and i have to begin to spiritually strenthen myself in Christ if his will is to be completed through me. My life is worthless without him and i need his renewal constantly. I am about to lead a group of students through the Truth project which a 12 week study on Truth and apologetics. I am really excited because this a great video series. That is pretty much where i am right now. Please continue to pray for God's will to be fullfilled in my life and that my focus will remain Christ and that i will abide in him!

update

just wanted to give an update on how the whole process is going. I visited KC a few weeks ago and got to meet Russ who is an awesome guy and really has a heart for bringing people to Christ. I have most of the new flooring in my house and it will be up for sale within a few weeks. No luck yet on selling the truck but i just have to keep praying. As soon as my house is up for sale i will move in with my cousin and live for free which is a huge blessing and will help alot once my house sells. Just pray it sells fast. I have applied to midwestern seminary and waiting for the application for fusion. While i am still here i am advertising for fusion as much as i can (www.gofusion.ws) it is such a great program and i can't wait to be apart of it. Please pray for my friend Kelsey as she is in the program and getting ready to go overseas to sudan a very dangerous place. I will also start training for fusion in the next few weeks both physically and spiritually. Hopefully for christmas my parents will get me the books i asked for. I am diving into the bible to grow my knowledge as much as i can. I am really excited about what the next year or two holds for me and what God has planned. Please continue to pray for me that i will stay focused on him and what he has in store for me.